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Brent Dill's Journal

2nd July, 2010. 1:21 am. Butterflies and Pretty Girls

I no longer remember the password to this account. It's stored in my Firefox cache, but Firefox has ceased to be stable on this machine, so I'm unlikely to continue using LiveJournal unless I can remember it.

It is never my intention to destroy those relationships that I most care about, but I do seem spectacularly good at it.

I'm tired of being such a downer all the time, especially when I take such extreme effort not to be. It seems that my desires simply don't enter into it, where my actual behavior is concerned.

I am not in control of myself. Maybe I never was.

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22nd January, 2010. 10:59 pm.

You threw my keys in the water, you looked back,
They'd frozen halfway down in the ice.
They froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners,
Even after the anger, it all turned silent, and then
Every day turned solitary,
And so we came to February...

First we forgot where we'd planted those bulbs last year,
Then we forgot that we'd planted at all,
Then we forgot what plants are altogether,
and you blamed me for my freezing and forgetting and the nights
Were long and cold and scary,
Can we live through February?

You know I think Christmas was a long red glare,
It shot up like a warning, we gave presents without cards,
And then the snow... and then the snow came;
We were always out shoveling,
And we'd drop to sleep exhausted,
And then we'd wake up, and its snowing...

And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking the path alone, together.
So I stopped, and I pointed, and I said, "Look, that's a crocus!"
And you said, "what's a crocus?" and I said, "it's a flower!"
You tried to remember, but you said, "What's a flower?"
And I said, "please, I still love you!"

The leaves were turning as you drove to the hardware store,
Your new lover made you keys to the house,
And when you got home, well you just started chopping wood,
Because you never know how next year will be,
And you'll gather all your arms can carry,
but I have lost to February...

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13th June, 2009. 2:11 am. And now, a rant on international politics.

Jerusalem — Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has issued an unprecedented statement clarifying President Barack Obama’s demands for Israel to stop expanding Jewish communities in areas it acquired following the 1967 Six-Day War, including Jerusalem.

Israeli Government Press Director Daniel Seamen reacted to this Obama administration statement by saying: “I have to admire the residents of Iroquois territory for assuming that they have a right to determine where Jews should live in Jerusalem.”


Oh, how fucking precious.

You know what? Just about everyone in the US agrees that what we did to the natives was horrible, and reprehensible. We are not a good role model, especially when you look at our history. But that doesn't mean we can't share the lessons we've learned.

If the lesson you want to learn from US history is "it's okay to wipe out an entire culture, take everything that belongs to them, and then gather them together into smaller and smaller areas to exterminate them, all the while claiming that they bring it upon themselves, and are a clear threat", then rock on with your bad selves. The ashes of six million innocent people can buy a whole hell of a lot of moral high ground, I'll grant you that - but how do you think they'd feel about you spending it on lebensraum?

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8th March, 2009. 1:11 pm.

I no longer have a phone, so if anyone wishes to contact me, it'll need to be via e-mail or gmail chat.

Apparently, I also never had health insurance, so I'm [i]not[/i] going to therapy, after all. (I wish I had known that before I went, and perhaps I wouldn't have -$500 to my name.) Keep this in mind before evaluating whether you want to spend any time with me.

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3rd March, 2009. 5:09 pm.

Wow, recurring nightmares suck. I have had the same damned nightmare almost every night for nearly a year, no matter what I do to "move on". I'm so fucking tired of not being able to let shit go. I need to just let shit go. What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't just let shit go? People who can't let shit go suck.

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14th February, 2009. 8:59 pm. Fuck Valentine's Day

That is all.

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12th February, 2009. 11:38 pm. Tonight is weird.

I'm oscillating rapidly between panic attacks and violent, uncontrollable rages. I'm sobbing, throwing up, then trying to pick fights with my roommates. I seem to have a complete lack of self-control over my behavior, except in very short bursts. Other than that, it feels like I'm watching an in-game cutscene.

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2nd February, 2009. 5:28 pm. Need help moving

To anyone who still reads, and is local:

I've been trying to poke at people via phone, but haven't had much luck.

I really, really need help moving. ASAP. Dee helped me get my bed, but I have pretty much a whole house worth of stuff that I need to get out of my old place and into my new in the next few days. What can I do to make this worth anyone's while?

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8th December, 2008. 6:18 pm. Weirder and weirder

Update: Car has been towed, and phone has been disconnected. I'm slipping further down the treadmill, so don't be offended if I'm even less reachable lately.

Update: Car's back; phone's still out.

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30th November, 2008. 2:30 pm. What a weird week

My phone is not working properly - I can't seem to send or receive text messages, and any calls drop straight to voicemail.

Also, someone appears to have taken over and changed the password on my gmail account.

For now, my bdill account at asu.edu (also a gmail account) is probably the best way to get ahold of me.

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